Secret Agent 23 Skidoo

Last week I traded cars with my husband. He took my 2008 silver Jetta with the missing hubcaps (thank YOU, North Chelmsford potholes) and I borrowed his new black Kia, a car that my first grade buddy refers to as the "Batmobile." Though I usually fear driving new cars (TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Plus I'm not an ambi-parker), I was definitely enjoying the Sirius XM radio and took a break from my usual NPR binge to catch up on Howard Stern. Sure, Howard Stern is a bit of a... what's the word... "self-worshipping jerkface," but I still find his show pretty entertaining.

After a few days I finally decided that maybe my toddler shouldn't be listening to interviews with, um, ladies who get paid to "hug" a lot of people on camera. So I found a kids station called Kidsplace Live, and let me just ask: WHAT is going on in the world of children's music these days? I remember Raffi and I worked in a preschool so of course I know the Wiggles, etc... but I just wasn't prepared for the barrage of modern hits by artists with names like "Casper Babypants" and "Secret Agent 23 Skidoo." Plus a lot of the tunes, though they had great beats and talented vocalists, just ended up giving me the CREEPS.

Allow me to explain my new pet peeve with modern children's music: when full-grown adults sing lyrics as if they're children. For example, a 40-something man singing about his "mommy" and "daddy" and then asking for a "cookie" before "bedtime." Am I a horrible person to think that's WHACKED OUT?! Also, a sultry-voiced adult woman singing about how she wants to eat lollipops for dinner and pick out her own clothes... all I can think is, "What asylum is this chick confined to and why won't they let her dress herself?!" Yeah, maybe that proverbial fourth wall wouldn't be broken for children, but as a 30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN I'm just a little uncomfortable listening to a man with a deep voice talking about how cute the little girl sitting next to him is with the missing two front teeth. SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!

But they're not all bad. Let's get back to Secret Agent 23 Skidoo. First of all: BEST NAME EVER. Second of all, this dude is like the Ludacris of children's music. I actually enjoyed some of his songs and my son was pop-lockin' in the backseat. This guy's THE MAN. And my favorite part? Some of his lyrics sound so dirty (something about a sword fight with Strawberry Shortcake-WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!) but they're not- it's just because he sounds like LUDA. Wait... am I cool enough to call him "Luda"? Now who's trying to sound young and hip?

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